Wednesday, December 29, 2004


I got an email this morning from my grandfather.
he's a great man, and apart from that, even though he is pretty old, he learned the fine (not) art of using the computer. amazingly, he uses this devil's device even more than i do, sending emails, managing his timetable, and taking pictures using his digital camera.
he sent me a powerpoint presentation he got from someone, explaining the quake on s.e. asia.
the presentation started with the drawing of a cute bear, which is supposed to be trademark of the guy who made the presentation. then there were diagrams of the quake, with sidenotes.
then there were pictures of people who lost their homes, with cute powerpoint transitions.
magicly, ten seconds before i started the PPS file, i put Pink Floyd's Atom Heart Mother on the stereo. suitable.
the insensitivity got me so angry, i just had to do something.
what better thing to do then to yell into the cyberspace, where almost nobody can hear you?

Thursday, December 23, 2004


Sometimes I feel, that i'm better off without her.
It is strange, because I waited for her so long, i prayed in the nights, that she would understand that we're meant to be together.
Sometimes she makes me feel so low, she makes me think that everything is my fault. I always thought that i'd go through hell for her.
and I did. I do.
But the fools phylosophy understands that there is no heaven without a hell,
and this is what makes it worth everything,
because when i'm with her, I can see heaven nearer than anytime before.

I just don't want to remember the pain and misery I went through before we were together.
True love is the one you can experience even in hell.

Fits The Fool.

Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Cut from the umbilical cord...

Just moved in to a new appartment from my parents house, you could say that it's my first time to move out, but that won't be true since I spent three years on a ship (including one week on a deserted ship that sank the day i left it, but that's another story). I have been cut form the cord. no more internet ('till now), no more free food, no more anyone cleaning the house but me. feels good though, to be able to breath on my own, and do my own stupid mistakes (which I do).

I moved to my Boss's appartment, he went on a six months trip, and I only have one question: Why does it have to be so goddamn dirty? Why, when i come to a new house, do I have to clean it as if it was never cleaned before?

argh. why am i sitting by the computer when i should go clean something horribly dirty?

Saturday, December 18, 2004

A day at home

Haven't been to work today, got yesterday off too.
it's great to stay home, enjoy the tranquillity of life with no obligations.
although, i think one more day, and i would drive myself crazy.
why isn't it possible for me to do nothing? why am i feeling as if i am wasting my time?
I can never be satisfied. when i'm working i need more time for myself, when i'm at home i drive myself crazy. love the winter but miss the summer.
only one thing is constant, and will never change for me, and as kitschy as it may sound (read?!) it is love.

Friday, December 17, 2004

The human animal

As a bartender, your purpose is to serve people.
every night, when i'm done cleaning the pub, I take a brief look at the floor,
and count the number of olive kernels costumers dropped.
i then think to myself, that everybody did their jobs tonight. i served everybody their drinks,
and i cleaned the pub, and made food, and took care for everything,
and the people who are in charge of dropping the kernels, did theirs.
i then take all the rubbish from the floor, throw it in the can,
and go home knowing that everything is alright.
people are animals.